300 pounds of Metal!: My room, the mess of my life and music.

I just somehow can't seem to keep my room clean. Maybe it's because I can't really walk or stand for long periods of time and I don't use my wheelchair inside (no way to get it in), but Dan has been so busy and the rooms been neglected for so long.. Finally this weekend my best friend came over and due to her, the room is spotless, the bed is moved and my new desk is set up. I really really love it. The room is more functional and makes it so I can be a little more independent. Right now that's a huge HUGE thing, since Dan is spending major hours at school and I'm here by myself for at least 12 hours a day, sometimes more. I like my new desk, my set up and all my dark red room. It feels like home again instead of some room I'm just using for awhile.

When I think of home I think of my books, my music, my puppies and my bed as being key. Sure, there are other parts to a house, just as there are other parts to a flower besides it's petals and smell. While fundamental, those other parts only play into how beautiful the soft petals or, or the scent or a rose. It's not the defining feature, but instead it's a background feature that just happens to be there.

I suppose I'm trying to keep calm and focus on good things right now because tomorrow is the day my grandmother passed away. February 19th, 2004. 9 years ago. It sounds so surreal to say, but my best friend in the whole world died that day and my heart has never truly recovered. Some scars go too deep. In a way, it gets easier and harder. Easier because time heals the wounds but in the long term you are left with a feeling of unease and direct contact with that wound aggravates it. I know she's there in the not so physical sense however and that keeps me going. On Valentines Day, I had dreamt about her and I know she's still around. Still.. The distance hurts. It's something I'm going to have to live with my entire life.

I've been listening to My Dying Bride quite a lot lately. I love them.. I have since around late 2011 and they were part of the reason I went on the cruise. I like waiting until everyone is asleep, getting some tea and sitting in the dark on my computer and slipping on headphones so I can listen to them. It makes me feel calm and zen.

On another note, I'm really torn up about giving away my Nightwish mask for the Canadian fan club give away. I know it has to be done, but I'm still sad about it. I would do anything to get this club off of the ground. I want the band to have the freedom to come to not just the east, but also to the west like they did on the DPP tour. I want to raise awareness of them and get more fans of interested in the band so they can continue doing what they do and can reach a broader audience. I really truly feel like they do deserve it and just want to help. If I could help in someway other than this I totally would. They are amazing! The signatures on my mask all so pretty, on account of the fact that I was first in line. I still remember that moment! It's going to be a very sad day when I give it away and my digipack but it's for the club and ultimately for Nightwish.

Edit to add: PICTURES! :D