Nightwish Days in Kitee

Hey guys! It's been so long since I've updated, but I have an abundance of time now, and I'm here to tell you about something I did last summer and am doing this summer, which I think is a great leeway back into the blogging world. In the summer of 2014, I was invited to Kitee, Finland for Nightwish Days in Kitee. For those of you who know (so.. whoever reading this blog, really) I'm a Nightwish fan and Nightwish Days in Kitee takes an active stance against bullying, sexual assault and racism. Instead it implements a lot of activities that are based on working together. I didn't know what to expect, honestly! When I got on the plane, and then the train to take me to Kitee, I never expected the warm welcome that I would receive. Plamen and the other students, they did everything to accommodate my wheelchair and disability. After spending a week in the Finnish countryside at a lake lot with one of my best friends who travelled with me, we were brought to Kansiopisto which was an amazing place to house us all for a week! I made friends really easily, and we sang together all the time. The camaraderie is really something I'll never ever forget, there were so many people just happy to be there, and to let their guards drop and have some fun!

A few of us enjoying some time off!

There was work to do, too of course. We had a media group, a music group and an art group. I was in the music group, and it seemed like we practised for at least a full day every day. It was exhausting, but the reward of that was we all got to perform well and have some time to ourselves to hang out, and create bonds that will never be broken.  We had multiple things to do! First was a church concert, and then we went to go have "coffee" with some really cool people. Let's see if you recognise any of the people. ;)

This was who was waiting for us after the concert in the Kitee Church, on July 10th.

The band with us (except for Troy) and Plamen and Myself.

After that day (which seemed so surreal, by the way), we performed at a theatre group just outside of Tuomas's parents house, where we also got to have some snacks and beverages; chatting with them for a couple of hours. When we returned to the school to sleep, some of us went to the lake or sauna/pool instead. We performed at the baseball game too, on national television. :) The beauty of being in Kitee means that there is a certain amount of freedom and beauty all around you. When you aren't singing, doing art or taking pictures and handling the media, the other side of it is that you can explore nature, enjoy some good music, and have fun with friends, or alone. If I had a wheelchair that could handle it, I would definitely go hiking, and enjoy the magic that surrounds Kitee. It's such a beautiful, and magical sight to see. With it's birch trees high as the sky, the pretty purple flowers that were everywhere, or the song the wind sings to you while you are there. It's definitely somewhere I will seek to get some solitude every summer. Don't be fooled though, not everyone needs copious amounts of alone time like I do. ;)

That brings me to my next point, before the Nightwish tribute concert (the big concert, that we had all really been preparing for, for weeks) we left the confines of the school and ended up in a camp. I could not stay due to the rocks that seemed to really damage my wheels on my chair, but they had a lot of fun, and my heart ached to join my new friends.

The main concert was astounding. I had never sang in front of anyone before, and singing in front of so many people was breathtaking, but also very scary. I also read a small speech I had prepared, and it seemed that many people were touched by my speech. :)

The last bow on the final concert!

As I left Kitee to fly back to Canada, full of tears and knowing I would miss my new family, and having never laughed so hard in my entire life as with them, I came away with a sort of kinship, one that could never, ever be replaced. It's an experience unlike every other. In Reino, when we went to see Nightwish, Plamen asked me to give a speech and I didn't know what to say at first, but... Here is what I said, "This isn't about meeting Nightwish, this isn't about the band itself.. It's about the understanding of other cultures, people and  friendships. It's about the bonds we made that will never cease, and the understanding that we could change the world, if only for a few weeks."

I stand by those words, but I didn't really understand the gravity of the situation at the time. Now I do. I'm going to leave you with a poem I wrote about my Nightwish family, but first, I want to tell you. It was over, and the only thing that I'm looking forward to now Is Nightwish Days in July! Between going to the camp where Nightwish recorded Imaginaerum and Endless Forms Most Beautiful, recording and singing, The media alone that will be there covering this event is astounding, and it's definitely a chance to stretch your wings and fly in a safe and non-judgemental group.  I am most excited to see my family, my brothers and sisters from other parts of the world. This experience, if nothing else, will make you understand what it's like to long for worlds unseen, and people you've never met. I hope that I will meet all of you soon, if this has piqued your interest.


Bailey Dawn <3
Remember, we are all made of stardust...

It's been so long..

Since I updated this blog. Unfortunately, real life happened.. Which means my entire basement got flooded with sewage. We had to retile, paint, rip out the wall in my bedroom and it's just been non-stop work. Oh the joys of living in a basement!

So we've been doing some pretty heavy renovations but now the basement looks just fantastic.. I'll even give you a sneak peek of my new music area! I know it's nothing special but it's enough for me to start to learn theory, and start my vocal lessons in September. :) Here's the picture, in case you wanted to see..

To be honest that's not even half my merch.. I just decided to make that side of the room awesome.

The rest of my merchandise is going other places in my new den.  Anyways, I'm not here to talk about my ass-numbingly dull renovations.. I'm going to share with you what I had been working on prior to July and what it turned out to be.


I wrote this poem in March 2013 after being asked to write a letter for Nightwish Days, and I coincidentally titled it "The Angel That Fell First." I know, so ironic. Anyways, this poem was describing how I'd been bullied all my life, especially in Junior High where I took quite a bit of beatings because I was in a wheelchair, and fat. It's no secret I am obese, but these kids went beyond teasing to full blown assault most times. I grew up harbouring a lot of bad emotions because of it, and a lot of anxiety when it comes to dealing with new people and I could and still can't relate to most of humanity. This poem was the way to let me let go of those awful emotions, in a productive way. It was cathartic and it mostly healed the wounds. It'll never be fully healed of course, but if we don't go through trials and tribulations in our life, we will stop learning and it is only then that we are truly dead.

I was asked by Mr. Plamen Dimov if I would submit a letter to him so he could read it at Nightwish Days. Nightwish Days is where a group of students, young ladies and young gentlemen go to Kitee, Finland and have their art seen, sing and have fun. It is young people taking a stand against Bullying, Racism and Rape and unfortunately I could not go this year, but plan to next year.

I was wracking my brain trying to come up with a letter, when inspiration hit and I ended up with a poem instead. I submitted it to Mr. Dimov (or as I know him, papa) and we ran with it. Joanne Husain who I had met on the 70,000tons of metal cruise on pool deck when Nightwish was about to go on (she made everyone move over to accommodate my wheelchair getting up front) came to me and asked if we could collaborate. I immediately said yes because I adore her work. From there, the video and artwork was born! I'll share with you the pictures of it up in the museum and the video here, since I haven't shared anything with you since the start of this year. The museum board is above with the poetry, Joanne's artwork and other artwork from some other really talented people.

It's been such a roller coaster ride, full of beautiful highs and crashing lows and I've got to say first and foremost thank you to my Finnish Papa (Plamen Dimov) and of course Joanne Husain, one of my very best friends. Also to Stephanie Hensley, because if it weren't for her I never would have submitted the work I did. Without further adieu, here is the video. Of course, it's Joanne's artwork, and video making skills. My poem, and my voice, and the instrumental version of Eva from Nightwish.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFgsv2cGfVE Please leave a comment if you want telling me and Joanne what you think. We'd both love to hear!


After all this, I have to wonder and it's been on my mind so strongly lately.. What does Maestro think of this poem? I suppose only God knows and I may never find out.

Well, I've babbled for long enough!

Bailey Dawn  <3

Shamelessly promoting my new..

Poetry blog.. Let's face it, I'm a real amateur and I probably suck but you can read it and tell me  what you think if you like. :)


poetry blog.
Also, don't forget to follow or friend me on facebook or email me using my Gmail Account !

I always love having new friends and people to talk to, so please do so. :)

Bailey Dawn

Guess what I found at the mall today?

TUK ankle boots with a penguin on them!

I'm so so so excited. I went to the mall to find a new pair of boots (My grey UGG's are essentially broken) and a messenger bag for school. I didn't find a messenger bag but I'll show you what I got!

I can't wait to do some reading of my new books and write in my new notebooks! :3

A new purple notebook with a Yin Yang on it for school and The Hobbit Bluray! <3

Possibly my favorite purchases of the day, "Uncle Scrooge, Only a Poor Old Man" by Carl Barks and this new nifty note book with an intricate metal design and clasps on the side. I am going to use it as my poetry book since my first one is getting FUL and to think I started it in January of 2012 and it's nearly full now!

Quiz thing!

So I'm sick, it's 8 AM and I've been awake for hours, but can't sleep due to sickness, I figured I would post this.

• 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
  Kate Voegele- Only Fooling Myself. Nightwish- The Siren. Haggard- Eppur Si Muove. My Dying Bride- The Blood, The Wine, The Roses. Sonata Arctica- Paid In Full and HIM-Fortress of Tears.
• 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
  Tough one, but probably Tolkien, if he were alive, that is.
• 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
  “Something awful?” asked Sniff, pulling his nightshirt tighter around himself.
• 4) What do you think about most?
  Uhm, oddly enough I tend to day dream, mostly about swimming in the ocean and swimming with the orcas.
• 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
  Yes, Dan wrote me one for my birthday, it was lovely and made me cry.
• 6) Do you have any strange phobias?
  I don’t like screaming, yelling or people drinking around me unless they are happy drinkers. I completely clam up and get nervous. I guess that’s what you get when you’re raised by verbally abusive alcoholics though.
• 7) What’s your religion?
  I’m.. a whole bunch of things. I believe in God, but I am also Pagan for a better word. I work with energy and magic.
• 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
  Staring up at the sky or smelling the breeze.
• 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
  Nightwish, most likely. Their music moves me to places I haven’t been before, but yet seem strangely familiar.
• 10) What was the last lie you told?
  Hmm, that’s a tough one. Uhm.. I cheated at Life just a few hours ago. The actual board game, that is. I don’t make a habit of cheating, but I was so tired and just wanted the game over that I just subtracted money from my account and came down here.
• 11) Do you believe in karma?
  Ish, yeah, I think I do. Do an action you get a bad reaction or a good reaction to said action.. I believe much more in the law of return though.
• 12) What does your URL mean?
  My wheelchair weighs three hundred pounds.. 300 pounds of metal. haha, get it? Yeah.. I don’t know.
• 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
  My greatest weakness would have to be over-thinking things to the point that tend to get anxious.. My greatest strength is and will always be my compassion and strength, because I think those go hand in hand.
• 14) Who is your celebrity crush?
  I don’t really have crushes.. I have fondnesses, I suppose you could say? Tuomas Holopainen is a handsome guy, and I’m pretty fond of him, though not in that way.. I don’t know!  I’ve always thought that Katy Perry was kind of cute?
• 15) How do you vent your anger?
  Turning red in the face, trying to articulate what I mean, then giving up and then going off to cry somewhere.
• 16) Do you have a collection of anything?
  I collect masquerade masks, tarot cards and Nightmare before Christmas merchandise. I also have a fairly extensive Nightwish wall, so I suppose I collect that.
• 17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
  I think so, I mean I’m not super successful, rich or have a great life but I do have true friends who love me, a husband who cares for me and despite all their shortcomings, a fiercely loyal family who would fight for me.. I love my life. Sometimes it sucks due to the wheelchair, but normally I’m a pretty happy person and despite all the trials I’ve been through in the past in regards to my brain tumor and death of family members, I think I came out the better person for it so I can’t even say I would take it back.
• 18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
  A sound I hate.. Silence. I always have to have white noise, even if it’s the wind or waves crashing at the lake, I need it. The sound I love most in the world would be violin music, though it’s bittersweet, I adore it.
• 19) What’s your biggest “what if”?
  What if my mother had continued vocal/instrument lessons after I got my brain tumor and was paralyzed down my right side.. Could I sing maybe? Everyone tells me I sound lovely, but I can’t hear it.
• 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
   I do believe in ghosts and aliens terrify me. Total irrational fear right here.
• 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
  With my right, my side table, with my left, the Nightwish wall.
• 22) Smell the air. What do you smell?
  The smell of my cinnamon shampoo.
• 23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
  Honestly, Toronto.. I hate Toronto! Wall to wall concrete, very little natural landscapes. Bugs the hell outta me.
• 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?
  Vile Valo.. Final answer.
• 25) To you, what is the meaning of life?
  Life means to keep learning, to experience, feel, taste, touch and smell your way through it. Just when you think life is getting boring, there’s another obstacle in your way. Most people like to coast through life but I love to experience it. Even in the darkest of times, there’s always a silver lining. Also, if there’s anything my father’s untimely death taught me, it’s live life like it’s your last day every day, something not a lot of us do.
• 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
  I don’t drive, but I do drive a wheelchair? Once when my chair was brand new and I wasn't good at driving it yet, I crashed into a pole though. Never a serious crash! lol
• 27) What was the last movie you saw?
  Sleeping Beauty
• 28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
  I haven’t had many.. I guess when my cast (from them trying to fix my leg after the paralyzation) sliced my leg open and I got blood poisoning. I was sick, laid up in a hospital bed for a week, on antibiotics every 4 hours.
• 29) Do you have any obsessions right now?
  Mostly reading, writing and cooking, as per usual. Though, I am always obsessed with music and books too. Right now I'm re-reading The Hobbit for about the millionth time.
• 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
  Have I ever. Somehow someone got it in their head in Junior high school that I was going to be in a Harry Potter movie, (??) and so everyone was walking up to me, asking me and even the teachers at my primary school knew. It was kind of crazy and weird.
• 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
  Surprisingly not, actually. I blow up at them and then leave it alone.
• 32) What is your astrological sign?
  I am a Scorpio. We’re all shocked. Though to me, I don’t seem that mysterious, but people tell me I am.
• 33) What’s the last thing you purchased?
  Coffee and tea today at Tim Hortons.
• 34) Love or lust?
  Depends on my mood.
• 35) In a relationship?
  A marriage even. How about that!
• 36) How many relationships have you had?
  2.
• 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
  Nothing. If they don’t like me then that’s their loss. I’m not going to waste time crying about it. I’ll be over here with the people who like me enjoying my life.
• 38) Where is your best friend?
  I have a lot of best friends, actually. All in different ways, but all of them are probably sleeping and\or just waking  up seeing as it’s 8 AM here.
• 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
  I had just woken up from a nap since I wasn’t feeling well. Still feeling kinda bad but oh well.
• 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
  In all honesty, no.  I mean, I’m great when I’m there and I think I’m a really good friend, but I go through these periods where I tend to shut everyone out (usually for a month or so at a time) and be alone and completely disregarded, and I like it that way. I think if I was my friend, I would get a little irritated.
• 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
  I would obviously save the puppy. Screw work.
• 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
  I would not be afraid, first of all. I was dying when I had my brain tumor.. and it was the most peaceful thing that I’ve ever had to go through. I would tell my closest friends, my family and my husband and I would spend the month doing all sorts of crazy things like traveling for concerts, and seeing Finland and going to Inverness to honor my grandmother.
• 43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
  I always tend to do a little dance of joy when I hear “Last Of The Wilds” by Nightwish.
• 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
  Trust and communication.
• 45) How can I win your heart?
  Well, you can’t because it’s already been won but we’ll just say for sake of argument that it hasn’t. You wanna win my heart? Be creative and emotionally intelligent. That’ll win my heart. Smile brightly when you see something you like, have a warm light and curiosity in your eyes when you do your hobbies and treat me with respect. That’ll win my heart. Also, bonus if you like to read and we can sit across from each other in complete silence reading for hours.
• 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
  It’s a very fine tightrope to walk, isn’t it? I think it can, yes.
• 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
  Marrying my husband because no one has ever treated me like he treats me and we share a love that is deep and unrefined.
• 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
  Ocean Soul.
• 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”
  Break.
• 50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?
  Purple, blue and red.. in that order!
• 51) What is your current desktop picture?
  An open book with an orca jumping out of one page and heading for another.
• 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
  Uh wow..  That’s kind of harsh. I wouldn’t do that to anyone. Instead, I’d probably focus on the negative energy exploding.
• 53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
  Wouldn’t you like to know.
• 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
  Being able to breathe underwater so that I could go and swim with the orcas, dolphins, sharks, seals, sea lions.. You get the picture.
• 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
  Hah, this is going to sound so cheesy, but I’d relive all of Montreal again. :P
• 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
  Nothing, because if I erased, I wouldn’t have learned the lesson from it and I wouldn't be the person I am today.
• 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
  Nobody.. I don’t know. Sex  is all fine and dandy but couldn’t I like take them in a room and talk fantasy novels or something? Could we do that instead?
• 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
  Finland, Tampere to be exact. I want to check out the University I’ll be attending there.
• 59) Ever been on a plane?
  Unfortunately. They terrify the ever living fuck out of me. I hate them.
• 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.
  This is so vapid but alright. Katy Perry, Ville Valo, Adele, Floor Jansen and Alexander Skarsgard.

This weekend was awesome!

Do what you want cause a pirate is free...

Add caption

It was Dan's birthday so we hopped down to Calgary, around a three hour drive from where we live. I love it there because not only do I get the chance to spend some time with my in laws, which is lovely, but I also get the chance to be away from the chaos that is my house. It's so starkly different for me. I start to realize that not everyone is/was treated the same way as I was growing up. Some people have genuine love in their families, instead of screaming and lashing out physically. I always have to remind myself that no confrontations are going to happen while I'm there. I'm so use to traipsing on eggshells that I sometimes forget that people aren't always like that.

Seeing as Thomas was born on the 3rd and Daniel was born on the 4th, this seemed awesome and we all celebrated together.


I'll post some pictures from the actual event though I'm afraid I only have a few.

We had a family birthday party full of food and friends and laughs for Daniel and his brother!




Dan got the pirate hat...

I got presents from my mother in law because she's awesome! I had been wanting a pair of these since I saw momma Dee had made a pair for her husband! Except she made them in purple because that's my favorite color!


and then it was time to get ready for the bar so I ran off to wash my face and make myself presentable...

Then it was off to the bar to celebrate with some friends. Surprisingly I didn't need my wheelchair to walk in there because the boys were so lovely and helped me but they were holding me up in this picture.. And yes, that's a smoke in my hand.. I get a craving every once in awhile to smoke. The way I see it is everything gives you cancer, at least I'll die happy.


Bailey Dawn

PS; I apologize for the pictures being EVERYWHERE but they just won't go where I want them to go. It's making me twitch and it's frustrating so I just gave up!

My room, the mess of my life and music.

I just somehow can't seem to keep my room clean. Maybe it's because I can't really walk or stand for long periods of time and I don't use my wheelchair inside (no way to get it in), but Dan has been so busy and the rooms been neglected for so long.. Finally this weekend my best friend came over and due to her, the room is spotless, the bed is moved and my new desk is set up. I really really love it. The room is more functional and makes it so I can be a little more independent. Right now that's a huge HUGE thing, since Dan is spending major hours at school and I'm here by myself for at least 12 hours a day, sometimes more. I like my new desk, my set up and all my dark red room. It feels like home again instead of some room I'm just using for awhile.

When I think of home I think of my books, my music, my puppies and my bed as being key. Sure, there are other parts to a house, just as there are other parts to a flower besides it's petals and smell. While fundamental, those other parts only play into how beautiful the soft petals or, or the scent or a rose. It's not the defining feature, but instead it's a background feature that just happens to be there.

I suppose I'm trying to keep calm and focus on good things right now because tomorrow is the day my grandmother passed away.  February 19th, 2004. 9 years ago. It sounds so surreal to say, but my best friend in the whole world died that day and my heart has never truly recovered. Some scars go too deep. In a way, it gets easier and harder. Easier because time heals the wounds but in the long term you are left with a feeling of unease and direct contact with that wound aggravates it. I know she's there in the not so physical sense however and that keeps me going. On Valentines Day, I had dreamt about her and I know she's still around. Still.. The distance hurts. It's something I'm going to have to live with my entire life.

I've been listening to My Dying Bride quite a lot lately. I love them.. I have since around late 2011 and they were part of the reason I went on the cruise. I like waiting until everyone is asleep, getting some tea and sitting in the dark on my computer and slipping on headphones so I can listen to them. It makes me feel calm and zen.

On another note, I'm really torn up about giving away my Nightwish mask for the Canadian fan club give away. I know it has to be done, but I'm still sad about it. I would do anything to get this club off of the ground. I want the band to have the freedom to come to not just the east, but also to the west like they did on the DPP tour. I want to raise awareness of them and get more fans of interested in the band so they can continue doing what they do and can reach a broader audience. I really truly feel like they do deserve it and just want to help. If I could help in someway other than this I totally would. They are amazing! The signatures on my mask all so pretty, on account of the fact that I was first in line. I still remember that moment!  It's going to be a very sad day when I give it away and my digipack but it's for the club and ultimately for Nightwish.

Edit to add: PICTURES! :D

I'm all smiley now that my room is functional again!

My bed is now against the back wall, plus my bedspreaqd is purple! :D

Dan's messy desk.. It's a perpetual mess! He's a chaotic sort of  worker, but its awesome anyway!


Bailey Dawn <3

Hurting people you love..

This is going to be a blog with triggers, my life experiences and really have NOTHING to do with metal concerts or the chair. Lots of talk about abuse, where I came from and who I came to be through this. This isn't really intended for anyone, but I'm tired of being god damn silent and stewing over my thoughts.

I think hurting people you love is bound to happen, as much as we don't mean to, or don't want it to.  Honestly, it's inevitable, isn't it? I don't really think that's so bad, personally.I think that when you hurt someone on purpose that you're cruel, heartless and mean. I think my main example of this would be my mother. I've been debating posting this, and as of late it's been weighing heavy on my mind. I need to release this energy to the universe so I can properly move on and away from these incidents.

When you're young, you really don't pick up on strange behaviour, do you? I mean, it just seems normal to you. Just as my families rampant alcoholism seemed normal to me. Watching people in my family fight physically was an every weekend event and having to run away and hide and try not to listen to it was to. I escaped the best way I could.. I read books, practically lived at my grandparents house (and if my grandparents would have had Internet access, trust me I would have!) and learnt to channel what I felt at home into stories and make up my own life, one far away from the terror I felt at home. I loved my grandmother, who practically raised me while my mother was at work and drinking.. But everything was okay because she was and still is a "functioning alcoholic." She goes to work every day and works hard but then comes home and drowns herself in beer. She turns into a vile human being when she drinks and would constantly yell, stomp around or abuse us.

I think the first time I picked up that my mother wasn't really normal was when I was old enough to be at my best friends house, around the age of seven or so.  We would all eat dinner together at her house, and then her parents would not get so black out drunk that they would leave the kids to their own devices.  See, that's what would happen at my house. I became very self sufficient and very fast and went with the flow of things. That's when they found out I had a brain tumor and to my knowledge my mom didn't drink during that, though seeing as my memory of that time period is fuzzy at the best of times, I couldn't say for sure. I thought everything was going to turn around and we were going to be a normal family again. I'm sure it was stressful on her, losing my dad just a few years prior and then having your youngest daughter being diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. Through the surgeries and everything, I never gave up until I was actually slipping away but something brought me back. Music brought me back, but that's a different story.

My grandmother and I. Please ignore how geeky I look.

When a miracle happened to me and they managed to get the entire tumor out, it was like everything went back after I returned from rehabilitation. I had lost my right side, having somewhere in the realm of three or four strokes from the surgeries and how invasive they were, but I was alive. I had to relearn how to walk, had to learn how to use my left hand because my right was my dominant prior but couldn't be anymore. When I returned home, it all went back to the way it was. Of course it did, I was so stupid to think it wouldn't.  My grandfather died that year and my grandmother started to get Alzheimers and the day that he died, she had a stroke. I started skipping school in Grade 7 and 8 to spend time with her, because I ultimately knew that her time was coming soon.



My mother, of course, saw this as rebellion and put me in home schooling in Grade 9 so I was free to come and go as I pleased, as long as my tutors and I met up every week. I spent as much time with her as I could, but as her health dwindled, I knew I was going to lose the most important person to my life.  My Disney watching, always kind and caring but stern grandmother. I loved her to death, and she was my mom. When she was diagnosed with bowel cancer and put into a man made coma because she couldn't eat, I was sitting there reading "The Hobbit" while my mother and my aunt were smoking downstairs. My grandmother started to stir but she had an oxygen mask on and my usual chatty grandmother said something to me but I couldn't understand her. She slipped back asleep peacefully after a moment and as tears spilt down my cheeks and I sat there trembling my mom came in. While I hysterically explained to her what happened, she told me I was full of shit and sent me home.

It came just as quick as it went and grandma was gone. No more tea parties, talking about life... No more of her leaning over in her arm chair and asking, "So, what's new? Oh please tell me there's something, darling!" No more understanding hugs, or watching Disney movies until 3 in the morning..  No more Scottish accent to sing me to sleep... No more grandma.. In retrospect, I acted way too strong while the shock settled. I went through the motions, going to grandmother's funeral and giving a speech, all while trying not to cry. At the funeral, a fight broke up between my family, as per usual. I stole a bottle of vodka and drank it all that night.

To say I was not in a good place after that was an understatement. I drank, I smoked lots of weed, I cut myself up pretty bad and did some really stupid shit like hanging out in parks and public places late at night. I didn't know what I wanted to accomplish. Maybe that someone would come and take me away? One day, I broke down in tears to my mother about this and how I missed my grandmother. Her response? "You should have died with her, because anyone who would throw their life away deserves to die, besides that you were a disgrace to your grandmother, especially with how useless you've become."... Typing those words was really had, even now, the pain sears through me at something that happened almost ten years ago.  That night, I tried to hang myself for the first time and only time. I turned my stereo on and got ready to do it, but the beam broke, thank the gods!

The abuse really started after I hit high school and it was damn near constant. I would get home from school, clean up and get smashed in the face with beer cans and called worthless, fat, a stupid cunt, a horrible excuse for a daughter and a whore. That was my life through high school, and still is to a degree.

When I was seventeen, I met Daniel. He was the beacon of light my life needed. He moved to Edmonton and we lived in my mothers basement. She pushed him into school and he is just finishing that up right now.  When he proposed to me, she rushed the wedding and paid for it. I should have seen the signs, in reality. I was just so caught up in the moment that I couldn't see what was going on. We're still living here. It's turbulent at times.. most times.. all the time. But it allows me to have someone watch me while Dan's away at school, since I live in the basement and don't use my chair indoors and I'm ever so coordinated.

When I turned twenty one, I had gone to a movie with my friend, husband and we were just getting into it when we get a call from my friend who was at my house. My mom had fallen, she was bleeding from the mouth and she wasn't responding. We rushed home, and got there.  We tried to get her attention, but she was absolutely out cold.. Not knowing whether she was internally bleeding, I called my sister and 991. When my sister got there, she was furious with my mother.  My mother had woken up and told us both that she would blame us and say we pushed her. When the paramedics got there, they escorted me out of the building, and my sister too because my mother was uttering death threats at both of us, saying she was going to slit our throats and evict me and we were horrible children. It got so bad that the paramedics called the cops and told me not to return into the house. Daniel went in, grabbed bags and we took our dogs to my sisters and stayed there until early morning..

We had to go home the next day. He was in school, and so was I. My mother ended up having to get four stitches in her lip and remembered nothing.. But because she doesn't remember it, we can't and we shouldn't be mad at her, either.. Apparently.

She screams at me, calls me vile names and it does get physical some times. I don't usually respond when it does, just back into a corner and try not to hit her back, mostly because I'm not a confrontational person.

Just a few days ago, I was trying to make dinner and she told me that I was getting so fat she couldn't "find my chin from my forehead" because I was a fat blob and I was worthless. When I snapped at her that all I wanted was her to leave me alone, she made some quip about me and my sister both being useless and not standing on our own two feet.

Tonight, she told me to go downstairs because no one wants to hear from "Your fat useless mouth".
In the past she's told me that the only reason I need the  wheelchair is I'm fat and lazy and still doesn't even accept that I'm in the chair. "Can't you just walk? You're really inconveniencing me.. The chair is so stupid, you can't even walk? How fat are you?!"

If I ever come across to anyone as meek, unsure of myself and shy.. and it really goes beyond that to I second guess myself at everything, whenever anyone is drinking around me I can only handle so much of it, to irrational fears of being abandoned. I have to listen to music when I'm stressed, or write because I can't vent it any other way. My relationships with family and friends suffer. I have a huge problem with talking to new people and usually won't unless they speak to me first. I have anxiety about the stupidest things.. All these things, they stem from the way I was raised.

The joys of living with an abusive alcoholic. That feels so much better to get out. I'm going to go watch Peter Pan now and try to forget and sleep. Sorry for the jumbled mess of thoughts.

Oh, and if you have gone through or are going through similar experiences and want to talk about it, you should email me at missbaileydawn@gmail.com because I'm always up to talk about this. It's time the silence stopped.

Bailey Dawn.

Incura at the Pawnshop, with guests Needles to Vinyl and Looking East along with Fair Blue & Matt Machete

Before the Show~

The day started out fairly typical for me. I woke up, got dressed and did my make up all within an hour and a half time and we were planning on heading to Whyte Avenue in the mid afternoon, but it was slushy as hell and I didn't want to put Daniel through pushing my manual wheelchair in slushy snow! Not a fun time, I assure you. So we decided to head to West Edmonton Mall and thanks to a recent landfall victory in a slot machine, I had acquired two hundred and fifty dollars, ontop of the two hundred I had already for this show.. I was pretty stoked for WEM and this show and seeing as I don't really ever get out on my own anymore, ( Eff you snow and ailing wheelchair battery! *shakes fist*) I was just happy to be spending quality time with some friends I hadn't really seen in a while. We went for two things... Chapters and Mable Slab! I love reading and ice cream is always a win so I felt that this was a pretty big combination.  At 7:30 PM we cabbed it to Whyte and Dan hauled the wheelchair up two flights of stairs as per usual. My friends helped me up the stairs and we were good to go!

We got drinks while simultaneously standing pretty close to the front and I kept looking at the little box with Kyle's gift in it the entire time as my stomach danced in knots about giving it to him. It was a tiny Phantom mask pin I acquired from the musical that came through in 2007. It's silver and shiny and wonderful but I felt it was time to go to a new home and when we saw Incura last time I had mentioned to the vocalist that their music reminds me quite a lot of Phantom. He told me that he decided to go into performing arts for that reason and that Phantom was huge for him. Since then I've always felt a sort of kindred with the music and ultimately, him.

I didn't know this at the time but about a month back I had checked the webstore to see their size selection and they only had up to size XL. I was sad but it's pretty typical for me not to find merch in my size. I'm use to it but it still really bummed me out! My husband however, took it upon himself to message the vocalist, Kyle, about this and ask if there was any way he could possibly get it in a bigger size and they had this whole elaborate conversation in secrecy about it. Two weeks later I got a strange package in the mail with no name on it and as I opened it my heart thudded in my chest (Okay, so who doesn't love getting mail that isn't bills?!) and as I unfolded it I saw the Incura logo and my heart went into my throat and I cried. It's pretty lame, but I did because I was so happy.

I like the Pawn Shop a lot. I mean, other than the stairs thing I think the Pawn Shop is probably my second favorite venue. It has an open concept, it's dark and there are really great acoustics. The drinks aren't too overpriced and you get to go talk to the bands after, which is really nice but I never really do because I'm far too shy. People are fairly respectful of the wheelchair and don't mosh into me which I'm thankful for. Anyways, on to the good stuff!

Review~

Incura at The Pawn Shop, February 9th, 2013.

Incura at The Pawn Shop, February 9th, 2013.

Matt Machete wasn't really my cup of tea but one of my companions liked them a lot, there was nothing really memorable about their set. I really liked Fair Blue and the vocals and the guitar were outstanding, in particular. I loved Looking East because of the vocals and the drums. I love the hard rocker/grunge vocals coming from the beautiful lady on stage and have to make a note to check Fair Blue and Looking East out for sure. Needles to Vinyl, again, was not my cup of tea but I listened and they were good, just not really to my tastes. At some point some guy moshed into me once and spilt his drink all over me but he apologized so that was nice.

The moment I had been waiting for was here and Incura was on.
To say that Incura is a high energy band is an understatement! Daniel could only manage to get these two photos on our camera and the other ones that he deleted were so blurry that there was just no feasible way we could use them.

They are amazing on stage and really captivate the audience in a way that the bigger bands could never. The way they move and play their instruments is flawless and with Kyle on the vocals, it completes the whole thing. I'd like to say that I was hooked on my first listen and it would be right.

 
What drew me in (besides the vocals of course) was the stunning keyboard skills that are required to pull Incura off! Jim McLaren is the keyboardist and if you EVER have a chance to watch him perform I would say do it in a heartbeat. He has the fastest fingers of anyone on the planet I'm pretty sure. Phil Gardner is probably one of the best drummers that I've seen live and he really looks like he has fun doing it\, not to mention has the dexterity to with ease. Royce Whittaker and Jono Olson are just fantastic as the guitarist and bass player and have exuberant amounts of energy too. I have the up most respect for anyone who can shred, so hats off. Kyle Gruninger with his operaesque and unusual but highly breathtaking voice just brings it all together in what I would call this ball of theater metal rock but impossible to describe as it's so eclectic musical package.

It's no secret that the first time I saw them the only songs that really stuck out in my mind are "Who You Are" and "Decide" but listening to their album over and over again afterwards almost obsessively and I can't find a single song I find distasteful or even flat out don't like which is VERY rare for me. They are and probably forever will be a beautiful, eclectic, creative and emotional group, and as such they make that kind of music. It's almost as if it's straight emotions that I get when listening to the song and for a band to bypass that and make me feel as the emotions as strongly as they do with every song is very rare.

The Set list, for those of you kind folks who want it...

Get the gun
I breathe this
Turning blue
Who you are
I'm here waiting
The greatest con
Decide
Here to blame

And I just have to say that concert was 100000% better than Marilyn Manson. See local bands, support local musicians! I'm proud to have Incura's shirt! Think of every band shirt you own and now think about that being the key to getting them fifty miles down the road.. Aren't YOU proud of the miles in your closet?!

After the Show and Beyond~

Me and Incura

Me and Kyle Grunninger.

After the show, I bid the friends that came good bye, got up my courage and waited in my wheelchair for them to finish talking with other fans. I held the box and almost chickened out about a dozen times. We went up to the table and I spoke with Jim, and told him that he was amazing. Kyle came up to us and I told him I had a gift for him since he went to all that trouble for the t-shirt and handed him the box, when he opened the box and saw the pin he kept on telling me that I didn't have to give it to him and that it was the most amazing present that he had ever received and I asked him for a sticker and told him to put it on the back of my chair. I think my husband and him were discussing how I almost made him cry and I felt very a little awkward, but very blessed!

We took a picture with the whole band and then just me and Kyle and we were talking about Phantom. Something so close to my heart as it is.. I've loved Phantom since I was a little girl and often thought about my father whenever I saw Phantom. He told me he loved Phantom as well and had since he was a child and told me that he was glad he had that connection with me. I agreed and we hugged and he went off to talk to someone.

Daniel bought a CD and previously Kyle wouldn't let us pay him for the t-shirt but we ended up giving the money to Jono anyway, (hahaha jokes on you, Kyle!) and we waited for Kyle to come sign it because he was the only signature we were missing. He came out and  signed it and Wrote "Do what you love, not  what you're told" and I just stared at him.. How could he know that? Dan gave me a smile. I've been toying with the idea of going to school for performing arts for years.. Ever since I lost the ability to play the violin... I'm worried about it because though it is my passion, I know it won't get me anywhere and I'm terribly afraid of taking the leap. I haven't sang in years because of this fear that I'm just not good enough and to have him write such an outstanding statement on the CD was fate, maybe? I don't know. I wish I did. I'm so afraid but I know I'll never truly be happy until I take that leap.

I quickly shrug it off and we started talking about Nightwish which was kind of awesome and then we hugged again (for about the millionth time that night) and Daniel and I left, hoping to catch a cab. I was in a great mood, It was 2 AM and I couldn't wait to eat a late dinner, go to sleep and dream of metal. But that was not the case for us, it seemed.

Here's what I've learned.. Drunk people are scary when they are picking fights right beside you and jaywalking across streets or kicking cabs.. But most importantly, no cab will stop for a wheelchair! We walked up and down Whyte avenue for an hour and a half before ANYONE would pick us up. Even the ones that slowed down saw me behind Dan in a chair and sped right back up and picked up the people behind us. Even handicapped accessible taxis who were driving the area with their light on wouldn't stop for us. So we ended up waiting and walking up and down Whyte Avenue for an hour and a half and I couldn't feel my feet by the time I got home. They didn't really regain feeling until this morning.. Did I mention being in a wheelchair sucks?!

Still worth it! Above all, I hope I made new and lasting friends that night. I really truly have nothing but fondness for them all, and they give me so many good feelings with the music they make that it's overwhelming to say the least, but in a good way.

You can find Incura here! Make sure to check out their webshop, facebook, twitter and soundcloud!
You can find the facebook for lookingEast here!
You can find Fair Blue here on their facebook.
and of course, you can find me and add me to facebook, or subscribe here!

Well, I hope to see you all again as I review some more awesome bands, get going on my Nightwish project and hopefully get out of the house sooner or later. Having a dead battery sucks!

Bailey Dawn~ <3

Finally recovered..

That was brutal. I was hit with a cold, and then  the stomach flu  two days later. It was not a good two weeks for me. But I've finally recovered and I'm good to go, which means Nightwish project resumes and I'm free to go and come as I please...

Oh, wait! Jokes on me! The snow is barrelling down, some drifts are as high as my wheelchair and nobody shovels around here (due to apartments that are within blocks of my house). This sucks so much! I don't mean to play angst-y adult and throw myself to the wind, but no one gets it. My mother (the voice of loveliness, I assure you) told me to suck it up and get the fuck over it because it's not going to change and I'll be a cripple for my entire life. I suppose she's right, as much as it hurts to admit. I will always have these problems and I am just being silly for wanting a social life, or any life really, in the winter.  I always think that this winter will be so different, because I have so many projects to do. I have my panpipes, my Nightwish fan club thing, my music and everything. My life is perfect to most people who look in! I can watch as many movies as I want, play games, sleep whenever I want...  I think that feeling wore off two days into winter break and now there's just this emptiness that I can't seem to fill and it's not really good for my mental health.

It almost makes me wonder if I'll ever have a vacation that's not centered around something.  I love the Disney Parks, metal but to just sit around on vacation and not to do anything..  Yikes, that's not for me. I always have to be busy and it's the same in day to day life.

I have got to get out of this house for a little while...  I need a damn vacation away from boredom!! Last year at this time I was on the ocean and listening to metal.. and the rest of the time I was in the casino enjoying myself there. Watching the coming and goings of people, playing the slots or.. getting so drunk I got cut off by the bartender... *cough* Shhh!

SUMMER COME ALREADY!!! So I can go to school, the amusement park and bask in the glory of outside! I want to go to the lake, go swimming, go fishing and generally come and go as I please! I can't wait.


Thank you for reading this ramble garbage. I'm sorry you had to endure it.


Bailey Dawn <3

Apologies on the project.

It's going to have to wait a few days. I woke up today with a sore throat and my nose running. I'm not even fit for youtube right now.

Surprise! Nightwish project..

So recently I kept on looking for videos on youtube and finding out that there is more and more songs that I just haven't heard, so I've decided to do a review of every album, start to finish and post it on youtube for those of you who want to hear my experiences with the music. It's going to be largely emotion based, though.. Since I am no expert in music, I only know what I like.. and every song is tied to a memory and nostalgia fo r me. Look for my first youtube video on Wednesday and I hope to see you then. :)

Weird sleep schedule..

The minute I finished school, I reverted to an almost European sleep schedule. I only slept four hours in the day on Sunday, and come Monday I was so hyped that I just had to make  red velvet cupcakes with eggnog cream cheese frosting at 7 AM???? Yeah, I don't know where my thought process was going with that either but they turned out amazing. Here's a picture for your references, by the way.


Then I had tea and a cupcake in my new cup. (my Jack Skellington cup got broken, unfortunately) but my new cup is amazing and Donald Duck (it's true, it's not as good as Scrooge but I can't seem to find one for myself.. sadface)


I then went to sleep and woke up four hours later. We had company and Daniel was making penne with Alfredo sauce from scratch so I had to be up. We had dinner, cupcakes, tea and coffee and our company went home. I was so exhausted I collapsed in bed at around midnight, but woke up wide awake again at 3:32.. This number seems to be haunting me. I've seen it twice a day (even if I'm asleep I'll wake up and check my alarm cock or cellphone and there it will be..) for about a week now. Also, 3:33, too. Anyways, I was up until 8:30 AM or so and then went back to sleep.

I swear I should be living in Europe. Preferably Scandinavia. Maybe Sweden or Finland. I don't really know.

Regardless I just wanted to check up and post another blog. I'm doing a Nightwish project soon and I haven't really elaborated but I will. Really soon! I promise.

Bailey Dawn <3

Wheelchairs and Concerts!

Now, I saw this little gem on tumblr today, and I just have to post it everywhere I can because it's just so true. Now, I like my symphonic metal and with that comes it's own problems but I always get shafted in the back by security, or someone looking out for my well being. Did I not pay for my ticket? Do I not have the right to see the show like everyone else and in some cases, hear it? I don't care if you mosh around me, just try not to hit me please and we'll be all good.

Please be respectful of the damn wheelchair and each other because I can't count the number of times I have been shafted in the back and cried because I couldn't see anything or hear anything more than muffled voices and it really ruins my  mood. Concerts are a package deal for me, I need to see and hear them and enjoy the thrill of being there, entwined with the band and connected to all the individuals as the music invades my senses, and really that's what a concert should be and I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way.

I was absolutely heartbroken in Montreal when I was told I couldn't go up for Nightwish front and I was shafted in the very back left. Granted, a friend did everything she could and they did eventually move my halfway through Kamelot's set but the view wasn't any better, I could just hear better.

and I know management and staff were just really trying to look out for me, but why isn't there more accessible seating at shows? Most venues don't have any, let alone know what to do when a disabled person wheels in.

My point was, be respectful and try to look around you, anyway. I always ask all the people around me if they can see okay and everything. It's the right thing to do. Also, don't mosh into me, because my wheels do and will hurt when I decide to retaliate.


Bailey Dawn

Varg, Wintersun and Eluveitie at the Starlite Room, Dec. 5th.

Well I went to the show last night and it was awesome, but I guess I should start where this all started, hmm?

We bought tickets literally the day that they were released. It was suppose to be Daniel, a friend and I, but the friend couldn't come.

A week and a half before the concert, Daniel pointed out to me that there was a contest running where a certain member of Eluveitie would give you a lesson in their particular musical instrument, and he knows that I've been interested in whistles for years, so he suggested it to me but told me there was only two days left. I had my reservations that I would win, after all I had to hand it in two days from the date it actually was, but... I don't know, it was more of a lapse in boredom than anything. I posted it, and messaged a few friends to like it. People must have caught on, because when I woke up on Sunday morning, it was up to 30 and when I checked when it was time to submit on Sunday night, it was up to to 60. I submitted it and took a deep breath and said to myself, "If I have a greater lesson to learn from them, it'll happen.. If not, then some other lucky fan will win!"

I didn't really think about it for the next week and boy was I busy in school, studying and doing my best not to get snowed in seemed like a wonderful idea, so I honestly completely forgot about it, until the next Sunday. I wasn't feeling well, so after dinner I had a nap until late and I woke up all groggy to check my phone and saw an email from something Eluveitie.. I assumed I was dreaming, since I'm not ever this lucky, so I rolled over and went back to sleep for twenty minutes and then got up and logged onto my computer while drinking a cup of tea that had long since gone cold. It was there! You can imagine my heart skipping a beat when I clicked on it but my heart sank as I read, "Hi Bailey, you've won the contest for Calgary and the fiddle lesson!" oh my god. They thought I was the person that submitted for the Calgary lesson, and a fiddle too, which tugged at my heartstrings just a little bit since I use to play before I lost my right hand.

So they had me confused with someone who probably got a thousand likes and deserved to win, but in any case I emailed them again saying I was from Edmonton and I actually wanted the whistle lesson, or vocal, whichever was most convenient for them. Well, he emailed me back saying it was his mistake and everything was good, could I be there for 5:30 and he would meet me outside? My heart swelled a little bit and I was happy giddy enough to do a little dance in my computer chair.

The day of the show comes and I wake up to full on snow storm, so much so that I can't go to school or anything. I quickly re-gather my thoughts and decide to call a cab in advance, after all, if I call in advance, it's all taken care of. So I pre-call a cab for 4:30, tell them they need to be able to take my manual chair in their trunk and they assure me everything will be alright. The storm stopped at around 2:30 which made me happy and I spend the next several hours within a haze of folk metal blasting from my computer while I got ready. I was upstairs from 4 PM on but then the cab didn't show up.. At 4:45 I called them, they assured me I was next in line but because of my wheelchair they needed to find a cab with an appropriate trunk space and there weren't many on the road from the torrential snowfall earlier. Every fifteen minutes we called back, but they assured was next in line. Finally, the time is coming upon when I have my appointment, so I text Päde and tell him I might be a bit late, still hoping that I can get there. He texts me back telling me that it's fine, since sound check is running late anyway, so if I can be there by 6 it'll be okay. I call back to the cab company one final time and this girl tells me that I was 4th in line and that they couldn't spare anyone to pick me up.


5:30.. 5:45.. 5:55. No go, So I text Päde to tell him I'm sorry, I can't make it, thanked him for the opportunity and I'm sorry for wasting his time. I'm crying so hard that I can't quite seem to make sense of the words on the screen, but I send it anyway and I'm about ready to give up. Daniel calls another cab company and  they quote us at half an hour. Well, I'll still be able to see the show at least, so I wander off to use the washroom, the cab shows up in twenty seconds, I swear so we pile into it and Päde texts me them and tells me It's alright, can we be there by eight, and I tell him yes, we're FINALLY on our way.

We get there and I'm waiting in my wheelchair, looking at my phone while Dan goes off to try and find a person to talk to about what they want to do with me to get me up there, when this man walks by.. I mean, I wasn't really paying attention, I was staring down at my phone and fucking cold but relieved to be there.  He takes a step backwards and asks me if I'm Bailey. He introduces himself and tells me at 9 PM they'll come to find me and have this meet and greet. He told me they understand and it happens to all of us.

I am sitting there and my face is just blank as I thank him.  Eluveitie doesn't owe me anything, they could have just said, "Oh well, she missed her chance at five thirty, and it's her loss!" but they didn't. They did everything they could to accommodate ME. This has never really happened to me before, to be honest. So I was a little taken aback, to say the least.

The Starlite room staff take me up and sit me in a booth and I'm totally in the backstage area.  Who comes up to talk to me, but Chrigel. I had a fan girl moment right there.. Inwardly, I hope! Anyways, we're talking about things, life, instruments and I told him that I use to sing and play the violin but I lost my right hand, and I am just as of recently picking up the love of music again. I want to play the flute and I was thinking of picking up a pan flute.  He tells me that I should just get one made with four holes and that he was impressed and surprised I wanted to get back into it after so many setbacks. I was really honored that he would even listen to me ramble and even say something like that. It made me smile and want to get into music even more and quicker. Dan raided the Merch table, and I had one Eluveitie t-shirt and a hoodie! (Came in handy later, while we were waiting for a cab, that's for sure..)

He left and Varg started performing. They are not my cup of tea, but some of the riffs and melodies in their music were very nice. Then Wintersun came on and I've gotta say, I absolutely loved them. About halfway through, Päde came up to us and pulled us to the side outside the venue room where the back staircase was.  The entirety of Eluveitie (and that's quite a lot of people!) were standing in front of me. I didn't even notice but the girls, Meri and Anna were standing behind me. I asked for their autograph and handed it around to all of them, and then I asked for a picture. Everyone crowded behind me and I got one, then one of the girls took one with me, Dan and the rest of the band. It was lovely. I told them about my blog and Chrigel asked for a picture of me and the band for the Facebook page! Then they had to get ready for the show so I went back to my booth with Dan.

Finally it was time for Eluveitie's set and they were absolutely fantastic. The sound was really really good and the bagpipes, whistles, guitar, fiddle and vocals could be clearly heard. They played "Rose for Epona" which is my favorite song, not only for the vocals, but the lyrics. They hit me really, really hard the first time I listened to them and I ended up crying in my friends car! So... Seeing it live, was equally as awesome and breathtaking.

After the show, we sat there, told that we couldn't go out the same way because all the roadies needed that space to move the bands gear. So we went out another door. On the way by, I eyed up the merch again and bought another t-shirt and then was the trek down the slippery back stairs outside. I had two Starlite Room employees help me while Dan carried the wheelchair. On the last step, I almost slipped and ended up on my face but the employees were bracing me, thank god!

Meri came up to me and asked me how the show was and if I enjoyed it. I told her it was awesome and I enjoyed it very much. I also wanted to say that she, personally, was amazing but I got really shy.

Dan pushed me to the front and called a cab. While I was waiting, Chrigel and Päde walked by and I wanted to thank them but they looked super busy. I'm distractedly looking to my left and they came by again and stood in front of me. I'm so absent minded that I didn't even notice them til Dan called my name. They thanked me, I thanked them and Päde shook my hand. It was kind of wonderful, anyways. The cab came, and we left.. I dreamt of Eluveitie's music all night, which... Really, can it get any better?

After that adventure with cabs and stuff though, it's primarily my job to let you know what it's like. You got an awesome concert review and disability mumbo jumbo. :) I aim to please, though I was sad I missed my lesson.


Another thing, I think I've realized why it was me that went. Everything happens for a reason and if nothing else stuck, Chrigel's words did. Don't fight the flow, create the flow. By creating a whistle or a flute for only one hand, I'm using the waters as a place for creation and paddling downstream, not constantly fighting to go upstream. I will take these words and turn them into something beautiful! Thank you Eluveitie, you were awesome and outstandingly compassionate.. I'll never forget it.

And now my concert withdrawals have kicked in. Come on good bands, come to Edmonton so I can go!!

Bailey Dawn <3

The Nightwish Fandom.

You  know, guys.. This is going to be pretty truthful blog, so if you can't handle it don't read it.

I love Nightwish. I really do, I eat, sleep and breath their music. (I guess that's what happens when you listen to them compulsively for ten years..) They also happen to be really awesome people and I couldn't be blessed more than to have met them, not once, not twice but three times, and to hang out backstage and watch observantly, the shenanigans that go down.

Now, onto the Nightwish Fandoms.  Every social networking site has them. I'm going to talk about two in particular. Facebook and Tumblr. Alright, now the good sides of these fandoms is you are never far from like-minded people who just seem to share in genuine awesomeness. I have met so many of my friends through Nightwish, and am connected to said friends in one hundred million ways. We can talk about the concerts, posts pictures, have a laugh and share in one oogey, gooey Nightwish moment. That's the cool side of fandoms, and I enjoy that.

But there's ALWAYS a downside isn't there.  Let me post some of the things I've seen on the tumblr Nightwish tag within the last month:

Nightwish is selling wine now? WTF. Sell outs! (First of all, go home, you're drunk. Maestro loves his wine, it's featured in how many Nightwish songs?)

It's all Tuomas's fault for Anette and Tarja! He goes through women like I go through underwear! (Every five years? Uh, that's pretty gross..)

Floor Jansen is a man and she sucks. (WHAT?! This doesn't even make sense..)

Tuomas is a diva and he's ruining the lives of the other band members. (Hm.. I didn't see any shackles backstage in Montreal or Toronto. Perhaps they are invisible shackles..? That's the only explanation for why they stay right? He's making them!)

Troy's an asshole and should have never posted that thing on Facebook! (Troy has a typical British sense of humour! It's how he is.  I didn't find it particularly offensive, it was meant to be taken with a dose of laugh or shut the fuck up, too bad you guys missed the memo)

I think that's all I've seen on Tumblr, but now let's move onto Facebook.

Facebook is less annoying, because if people post assholeish comments, they don't pop up on your feed (unless you liked that group) like they do on Tumblr.

ON THE BANDS FACEBOOK STATUSES! People asking them to come their on their current tour! You know they already have a schedule right and flights booked back and things like that.

People commenting that Tarja is the best and Anette or Floor can't compare. (I guess that's true, because they weren't hiring similar voices,  and Anette and Floor have different voices all together. If Tarja was the best for you and you will NOT listen to anyone else with Nightwish, go buy Century Child and before, and shut up!)

How expensive concert tickets are. Yes, they run a lot of money, indeed. But do you want to see this band?! Are you okay with missing Nightwish for another three years or so. (*sadface* no.. and I went to both the concerts in Canada!) Then STAHP and pay for it!

You people make me crazy and really, I'm making it out to be a bit more of a big deal than it is, because in reality this is probably about half of the Nightwish fandom and the other half is awesome, still...

STOP IT AND BE A FAN OF NIGHTWISH. But at the same time, if you want like Anette Olzon, and Tarja Turunen. Hey, let's throw some ReVamp in there too.  It isn't a competition and it's not a one up challenge. And in the mean-time, stop posting nasty, negative comments in the wonderful, supportive Nightwish fandoms.

Dedicated to all my Nightwish friends.. There are a lot of you guys.. Probably about fifty, if not more. <3

I'm going to go listen  to Slaying The Dreamer now and have a nice hot shower.

Bailey Dawn

Can I just say how awesome....

Disney and Pixars "Brave" is?! Normally I don't usually like pixar ovies except for Toy Story, but this is AMAZING and so very celtic it makes me turn into goo at every turn! Bah! I love love love it! I'm going to try recording a cover of one of the songs for you guys tomorrow and hopefully posting it if my snowball will ever work! Until then, I leave you with a song from it! It's genius and makes you feel so uplifted and warm and fuzzily! It makes me imagine doing things independently like hiking, riding a horse or even just sitting in the sun light and enjoying the cool winds. Too bad it'll be about 6 months before I can do that again. Oh why did I wish this summer away?! Oh right.. because I was seeing Nightwish twice in the fall. Upon further reflection, no regrets at all. :)


Enjoy the rest of your week, I'll be secretly fantasizing about being in the forest in Scotland..  I really need to just buckle down and go to Inverness... My grandmother would definitely want me to and Troy Donockley said it was beautiful.

Bailey Dawn

One more month..

One more month and I'm free to read, sleep, watch movies and listen to music whenever I want! It's unfortunate that I'm stuck in the house from December to April (to keep myself from getting stuck in a snow drift somewhere) but I'm really excited. Perhaps my other, more artistic ventures will start to pick up again.

I love being at school and  having fun with my friends don't get me wrong, but it'll be nice to have some me time. It seems like I'm always surrounded by people and now it's time to just unwind, before starting school in the summer... I've changed my mind so many times about what I want to do now that I'm just at a loss. I wanted to work in event planning, specifically for concerts, then I wanted to be a radio broadcaster, then perhaps in tourism helping people in wheelchairs..

I know what my heart wants to do though, but I don't really think it would be practical to take musical theater. Why, why, why? I'll never get any roles, and when I do I'll be typecast to all shit. Still, I'm yearning for the human experience of it all and I haven't been in a musical since high school and I miss it.

The Phantom of The Opera is there, inside my mind...

Bailey Dawn <3