Nightwish Days in Kitee

Hey guys! It's been so long since I've updated, but I have an abundance of time now, and I'm here to tell you about something I did last summer and am doing this summer, which I think is a great leeway back into the blogging world. In the summer of 2014, I was invited to Kitee, Finland for Nightwish Days in Kitee. For those of you who know (so.. whoever reading this blog, really) I'm a Nightwish fan and Nightwish Days in Kitee takes an active stance against bullying, sexual assault and racism. Instead it implements a lot of activities that are based on working together. I didn't know what to expect, honestly! When I got on the plane, and then the train to take me to Kitee, I never expected the warm welcome that I would receive. Plamen and the other students, they did everything to accommodate my wheelchair and disability. After spending a week in the Finnish countryside at a lake lot with one of my best friends who travelled with me, we were brought to Kansiopisto which was an amazing place to house us all for a week! I made friends really easily, and we sang together all the time. The camaraderie is really something I'll never ever forget, there were so many people just happy to be there, and to let their guards drop and have some fun!

A few of us enjoying some time off!

There was work to do, too of course. We had a media group, a music group and an art group. I was in the music group, and it seemed like we practised for at least a full day every day. It was exhausting, but the reward of that was we all got to perform well and have some time to ourselves to hang out, and create bonds that will never be broken.  We had multiple things to do! First was a church concert, and then we went to go have "coffee" with some really cool people. Let's see if you recognise any of the people. ;)

This was who was waiting for us after the concert in the Kitee Church, on July 10th.

The band with us (except for Troy) and Plamen and Myself.

After that day (which seemed so surreal, by the way), we performed at a theatre group just outside of Tuomas's parents house, where we also got to have some snacks and beverages; chatting with them for a couple of hours. When we returned to the school to sleep, some of us went to the lake or sauna/pool instead. We performed at the baseball game too, on national television. :) The beauty of being in Kitee means that there is a certain amount of freedom and beauty all around you. When you aren't singing, doing art or taking pictures and handling the media, the other side of it is that you can explore nature, enjoy some good music, and have fun with friends, or alone. If I had a wheelchair that could handle it, I would definitely go hiking, and enjoy the magic that surrounds Kitee. It's such a beautiful, and magical sight to see. With it's birch trees high as the sky, the pretty purple flowers that were everywhere, or the song the wind sings to you while you are there. It's definitely somewhere I will seek to get some solitude every summer. Don't be fooled though, not everyone needs copious amounts of alone time like I do. ;)

That brings me to my next point, before the Nightwish tribute concert (the big concert, that we had all really been preparing for, for weeks) we left the confines of the school and ended up in a camp. I could not stay due to the rocks that seemed to really damage my wheels on my chair, but they had a lot of fun, and my heart ached to join my new friends.

The main concert was astounding. I had never sang in front of anyone before, and singing in front of so many people was breathtaking, but also very scary. I also read a small speech I had prepared, and it seemed that many people were touched by my speech. :)

The last bow on the final concert!

As I left Kitee to fly back to Canada, full of tears and knowing I would miss my new family, and having never laughed so hard in my entire life as with them, I came away with a sort of kinship, one that could never, ever be replaced. It's an experience unlike every other. In Reino, when we went to see Nightwish, Plamen asked me to give a speech and I didn't know what to say at first, but... Here is what I said, "This isn't about meeting Nightwish, this isn't about the band itself.. It's about the understanding of other cultures, people and  friendships. It's about the bonds we made that will never cease, and the understanding that we could change the world, if only for a few weeks."

I stand by those words, but I didn't really understand the gravity of the situation at the time. Now I do. I'm going to leave you with a poem I wrote about my Nightwish family, but first, I want to tell you. It was over, and the only thing that I'm looking forward to now Is Nightwish Days in July! Between going to the camp where Nightwish recorded Imaginaerum and Endless Forms Most Beautiful, recording and singing, The media alone that will be there covering this event is astounding, and it's definitely a chance to stretch your wings and fly in a safe and non-judgemental group.  I am most excited to see my family, my brothers and sisters from other parts of the world. This experience, if nothing else, will make you understand what it's like to long for worlds unseen, and people you've never met. I hope that I will meet all of you soon, if this has piqued your interest.


Bailey Dawn <3
Remember, we are all made of stardust...

It's been so long..

Since I updated this blog. Unfortunately, real life happened.. Which means my entire basement got flooded with sewage. We had to retile, paint, rip out the wall in my bedroom and it's just been non-stop work. Oh the joys of living in a basement!

So we've been doing some pretty heavy renovations but now the basement looks just fantastic.. I'll even give you a sneak peek of my new music area! I know it's nothing special but it's enough for me to start to learn theory, and start my vocal lessons in September. :) Here's the picture, in case you wanted to see..

To be honest that's not even half my merch.. I just decided to make that side of the room awesome.

The rest of my merchandise is going other places in my new den.  Anyways, I'm not here to talk about my ass-numbingly dull renovations.. I'm going to share with you what I had been working on prior to July and what it turned out to be.


I wrote this poem in March 2013 after being asked to write a letter for Nightwish Days, and I coincidentally titled it "The Angel That Fell First." I know, so ironic. Anyways, this poem was describing how I'd been bullied all my life, especially in Junior High where I took quite a bit of beatings because I was in a wheelchair, and fat. It's no secret I am obese, but these kids went beyond teasing to full blown assault most times. I grew up harbouring a lot of bad emotions because of it, and a lot of anxiety when it comes to dealing with new people and I could and still can't relate to most of humanity. This poem was the way to let me let go of those awful emotions, in a productive way. It was cathartic and it mostly healed the wounds. It'll never be fully healed of course, but if we don't go through trials and tribulations in our life, we will stop learning and it is only then that we are truly dead.

I was asked by Mr. Plamen Dimov if I would submit a letter to him so he could read it at Nightwish Days. Nightwish Days is where a group of students, young ladies and young gentlemen go to Kitee, Finland and have their art seen, sing and have fun. It is young people taking a stand against Bullying, Racism and Rape and unfortunately I could not go this year, but plan to next year.

I was wracking my brain trying to come up with a letter, when inspiration hit and I ended up with a poem instead. I submitted it to Mr. Dimov (or as I know him, papa) and we ran with it. Joanne Husain who I had met on the 70,000tons of metal cruise on pool deck when Nightwish was about to go on (she made everyone move over to accommodate my wheelchair getting up front) came to me and asked if we could collaborate. I immediately said yes because I adore her work. From there, the video and artwork was born! I'll share with you the pictures of it up in the museum and the video here, since I haven't shared anything with you since the start of this year. The museum board is above with the poetry, Joanne's artwork and other artwork from some other really talented people.

It's been such a roller coaster ride, full of beautiful highs and crashing lows and I've got to say first and foremost thank you to my Finnish Papa (Plamen Dimov) and of course Joanne Husain, one of my very best friends. Also to Stephanie Hensley, because if it weren't for her I never would have submitted the work I did. Without further adieu, here is the video. Of course, it's Joanne's artwork, and video making skills. My poem, and my voice, and the instrumental version of Eva from Nightwish.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFgsv2cGfVE Please leave a comment if you want telling me and Joanne what you think. We'd both love to hear!


After all this, I have to wonder and it's been on my mind so strongly lately.. What does Maestro think of this poem? I suppose only God knows and I may never find out.

Well, I've babbled for long enough!

Bailey Dawn  <3

Shamelessly promoting my new..

Poetry blog.. Let's face it, I'm a real amateur and I probably suck but you can read it and tell me  what you think if you like. :)


poetry blog.
Also, don't forget to follow or friend me on facebook or email me using my Gmail Account !

I always love having new friends and people to talk to, so please do so. :)

Bailey Dawn

Guess what I found at the mall today?

TUK ankle boots with a penguin on them!

I'm so so so excited. I went to the mall to find a new pair of boots (My grey UGG's are essentially broken) and a messenger bag for school. I didn't find a messenger bag but I'll show you what I got!

I can't wait to do some reading of my new books and write in my new notebooks! :3

A new purple notebook with a Yin Yang on it for school and The Hobbit Bluray! <3

Possibly my favorite purchases of the day, "Uncle Scrooge, Only a Poor Old Man" by Carl Barks and this new nifty note book with an intricate metal design and clasps on the side. I am going to use it as my poetry book since my first one is getting FUL and to think I started it in January of 2012 and it's nearly full now!

Quiz thing!

So I'm sick, it's 8 AM and I've been awake for hours, but can't sleep due to sickness, I figured I would post this.

• 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
  Kate Voegele- Only Fooling Myself. Nightwish- The Siren. Haggard- Eppur Si Muove. My Dying Bride- The Blood, The Wine, The Roses. Sonata Arctica- Paid In Full and HIM-Fortress of Tears.
• 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
  Tough one, but probably Tolkien, if he were alive, that is.
• 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
  “Something awful?” asked Sniff, pulling his nightshirt tighter around himself.
• 4) What do you think about most?
  Uhm, oddly enough I tend to day dream, mostly about swimming in the ocean and swimming with the orcas.
• 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
  Yes, Dan wrote me one for my birthday, it was lovely and made me cry.
• 6) Do you have any strange phobias?
  I don’t like screaming, yelling or people drinking around me unless they are happy drinkers. I completely clam up and get nervous. I guess that’s what you get when you’re raised by verbally abusive alcoholics though.
• 7) What’s your religion?
  I’m.. a whole bunch of things. I believe in God, but I am also Pagan for a better word. I work with energy and magic.
• 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
  Staring up at the sky or smelling the breeze.
• 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
  Nightwish, most likely. Their music moves me to places I haven’t been before, but yet seem strangely familiar.
• 10) What was the last lie you told?
  Hmm, that’s a tough one. Uhm.. I cheated at Life just a few hours ago. The actual board game, that is. I don’t make a habit of cheating, but I was so tired and just wanted the game over that I just subtracted money from my account and came down here.
• 11) Do you believe in karma?
  Ish, yeah, I think I do. Do an action you get a bad reaction or a good reaction to said action.. I believe much more in the law of return though.
• 12) What does your URL mean?
  My wheelchair weighs three hundred pounds.. 300 pounds of metal. haha, get it? Yeah.. I don’t know.
• 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
  My greatest weakness would have to be over-thinking things to the point that tend to get anxious.. My greatest strength is and will always be my compassion and strength, because I think those go hand in hand.
• 14) Who is your celebrity crush?
  I don’t really have crushes.. I have fondnesses, I suppose you could say? Tuomas Holopainen is a handsome guy, and I’m pretty fond of him, though not in that way.. I don’t know!  I’ve always thought that Katy Perry was kind of cute?
• 15) How do you vent your anger?
  Turning red in the face, trying to articulate what I mean, then giving up and then going off to cry somewhere.
• 16) Do you have a collection of anything?
  I collect masquerade masks, tarot cards and Nightmare before Christmas merchandise. I also have a fairly extensive Nightwish wall, so I suppose I collect that.
• 17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
  I think so, I mean I’m not super successful, rich or have a great life but I do have true friends who love me, a husband who cares for me and despite all their shortcomings, a fiercely loyal family who would fight for me.. I love my life. Sometimes it sucks due to the wheelchair, but normally I’m a pretty happy person and despite all the trials I’ve been through in the past in regards to my brain tumor and death of family members, I think I came out the better person for it so I can’t even say I would take it back.
• 18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
  A sound I hate.. Silence. I always have to have white noise, even if it’s the wind or waves crashing at the lake, I need it. The sound I love most in the world would be violin music, though it’s bittersweet, I adore it.
• 19) What’s your biggest “what if”?
  What if my mother had continued vocal/instrument lessons after I got my brain tumor and was paralyzed down my right side.. Could I sing maybe? Everyone tells me I sound lovely, but I can’t hear it.
• 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
   I do believe in ghosts and aliens terrify me. Total irrational fear right here.
• 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
  With my right, my side table, with my left, the Nightwish wall.
• 22) Smell the air. What do you smell?
  The smell of my cinnamon shampoo.
• 23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
  Honestly, Toronto.. I hate Toronto! Wall to wall concrete, very little natural landscapes. Bugs the hell outta me.
• 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?
  Vile Valo.. Final answer.
• 25) To you, what is the meaning of life?
  Life means to keep learning, to experience, feel, taste, touch and smell your way through it. Just when you think life is getting boring, there’s another obstacle in your way. Most people like to coast through life but I love to experience it. Even in the darkest of times, there’s always a silver lining. Also, if there’s anything my father’s untimely death taught me, it’s live life like it’s your last day every day, something not a lot of us do.
• 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
  I don’t drive, but I do drive a wheelchair? Once when my chair was brand new and I wasn't good at driving it yet, I crashed into a pole though. Never a serious crash! lol
• 27) What was the last movie you saw?
  Sleeping Beauty
• 28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
  I haven’t had many.. I guess when my cast (from them trying to fix my leg after the paralyzation) sliced my leg open and I got blood poisoning. I was sick, laid up in a hospital bed for a week, on antibiotics every 4 hours.
• 29) Do you have any obsessions right now?
  Mostly reading, writing and cooking, as per usual. Though, I am always obsessed with music and books too. Right now I'm re-reading The Hobbit for about the millionth time.
• 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
  Have I ever. Somehow someone got it in their head in Junior high school that I was going to be in a Harry Potter movie, (??) and so everyone was walking up to me, asking me and even the teachers at my primary school knew. It was kind of crazy and weird.
• 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
  Surprisingly not, actually. I blow up at them and then leave it alone.
• 32) What is your astrological sign?
  I am a Scorpio. We’re all shocked. Though to me, I don’t seem that mysterious, but people tell me I am.
• 33) What’s the last thing you purchased?
  Coffee and tea today at Tim Hortons.
• 34) Love or lust?
  Depends on my mood.
• 35) In a relationship?
  A marriage even. How about that!
• 36) How many relationships have you had?
  2.
• 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
  Nothing. If they don’t like me then that’s their loss. I’m not going to waste time crying about it. I’ll be over here with the people who like me enjoying my life.
• 38) Where is your best friend?
  I have a lot of best friends, actually. All in different ways, but all of them are probably sleeping and\or just waking  up seeing as it’s 8 AM here.
• 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
  I had just woken up from a nap since I wasn’t feeling well. Still feeling kinda bad but oh well.
• 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
  In all honesty, no.  I mean, I’m great when I’m there and I think I’m a really good friend, but I go through these periods where I tend to shut everyone out (usually for a month or so at a time) and be alone and completely disregarded, and I like it that way. I think if I was my friend, I would get a little irritated.
• 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
  I would obviously save the puppy. Screw work.
• 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
  I would not be afraid, first of all. I was dying when I had my brain tumor.. and it was the most peaceful thing that I’ve ever had to go through. I would tell my closest friends, my family and my husband and I would spend the month doing all sorts of crazy things like traveling for concerts, and seeing Finland and going to Inverness to honor my grandmother.
• 43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
  I always tend to do a little dance of joy when I hear “Last Of The Wilds” by Nightwish.
• 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
  Trust and communication.
• 45) How can I win your heart?
  Well, you can’t because it’s already been won but we’ll just say for sake of argument that it hasn’t. You wanna win my heart? Be creative and emotionally intelligent. That’ll win my heart. Smile brightly when you see something you like, have a warm light and curiosity in your eyes when you do your hobbies and treat me with respect. That’ll win my heart. Also, bonus if you like to read and we can sit across from each other in complete silence reading for hours.
• 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
  It’s a very fine tightrope to walk, isn’t it? I think it can, yes.
• 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
  Marrying my husband because no one has ever treated me like he treats me and we share a love that is deep and unrefined.
• 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
  Ocean Soul.
• 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”
  Break.
• 50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?
  Purple, blue and red.. in that order!
• 51) What is your current desktop picture?
  An open book with an orca jumping out of one page and heading for another.
• 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
  Uh wow..  That’s kind of harsh. I wouldn’t do that to anyone. Instead, I’d probably focus on the negative energy exploding.
• 53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
  Wouldn’t you like to know.
• 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
  Being able to breathe underwater so that I could go and swim with the orcas, dolphins, sharks, seals, sea lions.. You get the picture.
• 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
  Hah, this is going to sound so cheesy, but I’d relive all of Montreal again. :P
• 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
  Nothing, because if I erased, I wouldn’t have learned the lesson from it and I wouldn't be the person I am today.
• 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
  Nobody.. I don’t know. Sex  is all fine and dandy but couldn’t I like take them in a room and talk fantasy novels or something? Could we do that instead?
• 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
  Finland, Tampere to be exact. I want to check out the University I’ll be attending there.
• 59) Ever been on a plane?
  Unfortunately. They terrify the ever living fuck out of me. I hate them.
• 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.
  This is so vapid but alright. Katy Perry, Ville Valo, Adele, Floor Jansen and Alexander Skarsgard.

This weekend was awesome!

Do what you want cause a pirate is free...

Add caption

It was Dan's birthday so we hopped down to Calgary, around a three hour drive from where we live. I love it there because not only do I get the chance to spend some time with my in laws, which is lovely, but I also get the chance to be away from the chaos that is my house. It's so starkly different for me. I start to realize that not everyone is/was treated the same way as I was growing up. Some people have genuine love in their families, instead of screaming and lashing out physically. I always have to remind myself that no confrontations are going to happen while I'm there. I'm so use to traipsing on eggshells that I sometimes forget that people aren't always like that.

Seeing as Thomas was born on the 3rd and Daniel was born on the 4th, this seemed awesome and we all celebrated together.


I'll post some pictures from the actual event though I'm afraid I only have a few.

We had a family birthday party full of food and friends and laughs for Daniel and his brother!




Dan got the pirate hat...

I got presents from my mother in law because she's awesome! I had been wanting a pair of these since I saw momma Dee had made a pair for her husband! Except she made them in purple because that's my favorite color!


and then it was time to get ready for the bar so I ran off to wash my face and make myself presentable...

Then it was off to the bar to celebrate with some friends. Surprisingly I didn't need my wheelchair to walk in there because the boys were so lovely and helped me but they were holding me up in this picture.. And yes, that's a smoke in my hand.. I get a craving every once in awhile to smoke. The way I see it is everything gives you cancer, at least I'll die happy.


Bailey Dawn

PS; I apologize for the pictures being EVERYWHERE but they just won't go where I want them to go. It's making me twitch and it's frustrating so I just gave up!

My room, the mess of my life and music.

I just somehow can't seem to keep my room clean. Maybe it's because I can't really walk or stand for long periods of time and I don't use my wheelchair inside (no way to get it in), but Dan has been so busy and the rooms been neglected for so long.. Finally this weekend my best friend came over and due to her, the room is spotless, the bed is moved and my new desk is set up. I really really love it. The room is more functional and makes it so I can be a little more independent. Right now that's a huge HUGE thing, since Dan is spending major hours at school and I'm here by myself for at least 12 hours a day, sometimes more. I like my new desk, my set up and all my dark red room. It feels like home again instead of some room I'm just using for awhile.

When I think of home I think of my books, my music, my puppies and my bed as being key. Sure, there are other parts to a house, just as there are other parts to a flower besides it's petals and smell. While fundamental, those other parts only play into how beautiful the soft petals or, or the scent or a rose. It's not the defining feature, but instead it's a background feature that just happens to be there.

I suppose I'm trying to keep calm and focus on good things right now because tomorrow is the day my grandmother passed away.  February 19th, 2004. 9 years ago. It sounds so surreal to say, but my best friend in the whole world died that day and my heart has never truly recovered. Some scars go too deep. In a way, it gets easier and harder. Easier because time heals the wounds but in the long term you are left with a feeling of unease and direct contact with that wound aggravates it. I know she's there in the not so physical sense however and that keeps me going. On Valentines Day, I had dreamt about her and I know she's still around. Still.. The distance hurts. It's something I'm going to have to live with my entire life.

I've been listening to My Dying Bride quite a lot lately. I love them.. I have since around late 2011 and they were part of the reason I went on the cruise. I like waiting until everyone is asleep, getting some tea and sitting in the dark on my computer and slipping on headphones so I can listen to them. It makes me feel calm and zen.

On another note, I'm really torn up about giving away my Nightwish mask for the Canadian fan club give away. I know it has to be done, but I'm still sad about it. I would do anything to get this club off of the ground. I want the band to have the freedom to come to not just the east, but also to the west like they did on the DPP tour. I want to raise awareness of them and get more fans of interested in the band so they can continue doing what they do and can reach a broader audience. I really truly feel like they do deserve it and just want to help. If I could help in someway other than this I totally would. They are amazing! The signatures on my mask all so pretty, on account of the fact that I was first in line. I still remember that moment!  It's going to be a very sad day when I give it away and my digipack but it's for the club and ultimately for Nightwish.

Edit to add: PICTURES! :D

I'm all smiley now that my room is functional again!

My bed is now against the back wall, plus my bedspreaqd is purple! :D

Dan's messy desk.. It's a perpetual mess! He's a chaotic sort of  worker, but its awesome anyway!


Bailey Dawn <3